How can I make mindfulness as a part of my daily life?

How can I make mindfulness as a part of my daily life?

Mindfulness (being in the present) but that you have a hard time to stick to your “mindfulness schedule”, you do it for a few days or a week and then you stop.

My experience is that for some people listening to a mindfulness tape with for example breathing exercizes or a body scan functions well but for others, especially those who have a problem with restlessness it can be too difficult.

Therefore I highly recommend mindfulness exercizes where you describe what senses get activated in a particular situation for example when you eat, drink tea or take a shower. For example if you drink tea, describe how the heat feels on you tongue, how the tea smells, how it tastes, the noise when you drink etc.

The consequence of making these kind of descriptions is that

You write that you have tried to practice mindfulness you are present. But you sould not “try hard” to be present, just focus on the sense descriptions and try to do it daily since the continuity is a crucial part.

Good Luck!

Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell

www.kbtemanell.se

How can I make my partner understand how bad I feel about this situation?

How can I make my partner understand how bad I feel in this situation?

Hi!
My boyfriend and I have a good relationship and he is generally and empathic person. I am very outgoing and sociable and he prefers to sit at home and watch a movie most evenings of the week. Here comes the problem. I would like us to do more activities and hi answer is that he is tired and that he just doesn´t have the energy. The consequence is that we do it his way most of the time, that is we sit on the sofa and watch tv. I really love my boyfriend but this is more and more frustrating and it has got to a point where I wonder if he is good for me, what should I do?

It sounds that you have a stable relationship and that you love your boyfriend. This is a common problem since we often meet someone that has a different personality thatn we have, which I think can be good since you complement each other that way. A common problem thoguh is that when we feel that it is for example relaxing to sit in the sofa every evening it can be hard to understand that the same behavior can cause someone else boredom, frustration and may be anxiety after a while. I think that you should think about a situation where your boyfriend would feel the same feelings. Ask him how he would feel if you went out almost every evening. Tell him that that would make you feel relaxed. Tell him that you understand that he gets relaxed from the sofa but that you could together at least make an effort to give you that feeling sometimes like a few times a week. If he says that he can´t help getting tired, ask him if you could meet directly after work sometimes and after that go home and sit on the sofa. So in other words try to make him understand from giving him examples when he feels “your” feeling and then give a few alternatives.
Good Luck!

How can I make my partner understand how bad I feel in this situation?

Hi!
My boyfriend and I have a good relationship and he is generally and empathic person. I am very outgoing and sociable and he prefers to sit at home and watch a movie most evenings of the week. Here comes the problem. I would like us to do more activities and hi answer is that he is tired and that he just doesn´t have the energy. The consequence is that we do it his way most of the time, that is we sit on the sofa and watch tv. I really love my boyfriend but this is more and more frustrating and it has got to a point where I wonder if he is good for me, what should I do?

It sounds that you have a stable relationship and that you love your boyfriend. This is a common problem since we often meet someone that has a different personality thatn we have, which I think can be good since you complement each other that way. A common problem thoguh is that when we feel that it is for example relaxing to sit in the sofa every evening it can be hard to understand that the same behavior can cause someone else boredom, frustration and may be anxiety after a while. I think that you should think about a situation where your boyfriend would feel the same feelings. Ask him how he would feel if you went out almost every evening. Tell him that that would make you feel relaxed. Tell him that you understand that he gets relaxed from the sofa but that you could together at least make an effort to give you that feeling sometimes like a few times a week. If he says that he can´t help getting tired, ask him if you could meet directly after work sometimes and after that go home and sit on the sofa. So in other words try to make him understand from giving him examples when he feels “your” feeling and then give a few alternatives.
Good Luck!

I am trying to think in a positive way about myself but I still feel miserable, what should I do?

If you have low self-esteem, you are aware of it and you want to work on it, it is nort unusual that you try hard to be positive but you don´t think it works and you feel even more hopelessness. If you recognize yourself in this remember that you can´t just “think” good things about yourself and at the same time “do” negative things towards yourself. Examples are that you talk low about yourself in fron of others, you avoid going out because you think nobody will like you, you avoid buying clothes because you want to wait until you reach the perfects weight etc.

In other words you need to do good things (in the long run, so I don´t include drinking for example even if it makes you more relaxed in the short run) towards yourself at the same time as you try to think caring thoughts about yourself. Finally, after a long time the feelings will adapt to this and you will “feel” nice things about yourself.

Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell

www.kbtemanell.se

How can I improve my self-esteem?

I often get this question from people who come for therapy. My answer is that in order to get a grip of your low self-esteem you need to track how your low self-esteem is expressed. In other words, take you calender and write down your behaviors during a week. Write down, what you do and with whom. Also, write down your feelings connected to the different behaviors (1-5 in how stong the feeling is). After the week has passed you can see what kind of situations trigger you to feel bad about yourself. Also start observing that the behavior you want to do when you have a negative feeling, usually is a behavior that will give you some kind of relief in the short run, but more of the negative feeling in the long run. In other words you need to start planning what kind of behaviors you can start training on next time you are in a difficult situation. That behavior will probably make you feel bad in the short run, but it will make you feel better in the long run.

Also, remember that if you run over your needs, you signal to your psyche that you have low thoughts about yourself and then your psyche gives you back portions of negative feelings. If you do caring things to yourself, you signal that you have nice thoughts about yourself and then your psyche, in the long run will give you more positive feelings.

It´s not enough to force yourself to “think” that you are good if you at the same time show with your behaviors that you don´t respect yourself.

Good Luck!