The different modes of a narcissist – the selg-aggrandizer mode
The self-aggrandizer mode is the mode which is most noticable for the environment and also most irritable. The underlying schema here is the entitlement schema. Here the narcissist feels entitled to have more than other people get; more attention, more things etc. If the necissist doesn´t get more than other people get, he/she feels as if he/she has been robbed of something and often reacts with anger. The narcissist is very strong in pushing towards getting more than others and lacks empathy. The reason for this is that he/she is absolutely 100% certain that he/she should have more. If the narcissist decides that you can get a small part of the cake he/she expects you to be very grateful and you can be reminded of his/her generosity for a long time. The narcissistic parent can keep reminding his/her children of something done in the child hood through their adult life. The narcissist doesn´t get guilt feeling himself/herself but is extremely good at giving others feelings of guilt.
If you have a frequent communication with a narcissist, I think a good strategy is to analyze all negative feelings you get during the conversation and find out why the narcissist has thrown them on you. The narcissist hates having negative feelings and tries to get rid of them by using others as a trash can for uncomfortable feelings.
To be continued…
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell