Warning signals in a relationship and how to work on your relationship
I will now write about Gottman´s seven great rules to make a relationship work. I often advice my patients to try some of the exercizes and I think they often work out well.
See to that you have a good grip of your love maps. This means that if you have a good grip of what your partner likes and thinks of different things, like dreams in life, the name of friends, favourite music, films, ambitions in life etc. you are better fit as a couple to handle changes in life, like when you get children etc.
Another good exercize I like is that you go thorugh your own life like; what are you proud of?, did your parents tell you that they were proud of you when you were a child?, did your parents show they loved you when you were a child?, how do you and your partner communicate that you are proud of each other?,
Have you had difficulties in your childhood? How did you handle them as a grown up? How did your parents communicate feelings when you grew up (anger, sadness, fear, love etc.)?
Another great exercize that you can try is to think about what you would like to be written on your grave stone when you are dead. The goal with this is to get some distance to destuctive behaviors. For example you don´t want to be remembered for running through life without having time to breathe with a goal to be perfect, right? The goal is to find what you do that you would like to change in order to feel better in life.
The second rule consists of the level of respect you have for each other. If you have an issue around respect for each other try to:
1. Remind yourself of the good things about your partner. Write down some features you like in your partner and write about a specific episode when you noticed that.
2. Write about your happy moments in the past.
3. Write down every day for seven weeks about something that you like in your partner and then write down a specific situation where this be seen.
The third rule consists of that you and your partner should make sure that you spend time together, that is that you do fun activities together.
– Write down a few activities that you would like to do together with your partner and schedule time when you will do things together.
To be continued…
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell