How can I get free from the feeling of being stuck in a destructive relationship?
As I said in my las article it is most of the time very hard to leave a relationship that you feel is not good for you because it is seldom that someone is mean all the time. The bad periods are often mixed with periods where you feel very ”seen” and ”loved” and even though those periods are way shorter, they get kind of addictive.
I would describe relationships like this in a similar way that I would describe an addiction. The craving for more attention from the person you love gets like an addiction and the moments you get it become like heaven that you have an extremely hard time to separate from even though your partner might have bad mood swings or demeaning behavior in between.
So if you are in a relationship where you feel you get lower and lower self-esteem here is what you can start with:
1. Get to know yourself; why have you fallen for a person who is attentive sometimes but behaves in a bad way most of the time? How has your own childhood been? Did you feel seen and important?
2. Observe and register how often during a month your partner behaves in a good way and how often he/she behaves in a bad way?
3. Look at the rest of your life. Do you have activities that give you noce feelings, like seeing or talking with friends, going to the gym, baking, playing tennis, taking a language class etc.?
4. Observe your own mood and see if you can see a connection between your partner´s bad behavior and your own energy level. If you have a relationship where you feel low most of the time, it probably drains your energy.
5. If your partner gives you bad conscience often and you give in to that feeling, try to do a behvior experiment for a week where you will not give in to your bad conscience, in other words do what you know makes you feel good in the long run even though you feel selfish.
6. Try to repeat to yourself that you are taking a time to take care of your needs and the worst that could happen is that you don´t notice and changes and then you can always go back to the behavior you have now.
To be continued…
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se
How can I free myself from the feeling of being stuck in a destructive relationship?
As I said in my las article it is most of the time very hard to leave a relationship that you feel is not good for you because it is seldom that someone is mean all the time. The bad periods are often mixed with periods where you feel very ”seen” and ”loved” and even though those periods are way shorter, they get kind of addictive.
I would describe relationships like this in a similar way that I would describe an addiction. The craving for more attention from the person you love gets like an addiction and the moments you get it become like heaven that you have an extremely hard time to separate from even though your partner might have bad mood swings or demeaning behavior in between.
So if you are in a relationship where you feel you get lower and lower self-esteem here is what you can start with:
1. Get to know yourself; why have you fallen for a person who is attentive sometimes but behaves in a bad way most of the time? How has your own childhood been? Did you feel seen and important?
2. Observe and register how often during a month your partner behaves in a good way and how often he/she behaves in a bad way?
3. Look at the rest of your life. Do you have activities that give you noce feelings, like seeing or talking with friends, going to the gym, baking, playing tennis, taking a language class etc.?
4. Observe your own mood and see if you can see a connection between your partner´s bad behavior and your own energy level. If you have a relationship where you feel low most of the time, it probably drains your energy.
5. If your partner gives you bad conscience often and you give in to that feeling, try to do a behvior experiment for a week where you will not give in to your bad conscience, in other words do what you know makes you feel good in the long run even though you feel selfish.
6. Try to repeat to yourself that you are taking a time to take care of your needs and the worst that could happen is that you don´t notice and changes and then you can always go back to the behavior you have now.
To be continued…
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se