How did the attachment you had in your childhood affects your brain
If you have a nurturing environment it is likely that the gene that produces the cortisol receptor in the hippocampus is twice as actice as it is if you don´t. This will make you more resistant to stress. Read more about this in Rewire your brain by John Arden).
In other words, if you were insecurely attached your brain will be wired so that you feel a sense of insecurity about yourself. This also often affects your relationships in a negative way.
The positive news is that you can train your brain and in other words, rewire it so that you can havve a secure sense of yourself and get better relationships. This requires training so you do what is good for you in the long run over and over again. I often tell my patients that when you go to the gym you don´t expect to get a strong body after a week and this is the same thing, you can´t expect to feel good about yourself after a week.
An example:
You have a goal to talk more with people that you don´t know that well and you have an opportunity to start training tonight since you are going to a party that you first wanted to cancel since you felt to nervous meeting new people.
– Make a plan and write down different topics you can talk about with a new person.
– Go through both potential questions you can ask and also what you can say about yourself.
– You can also visualize yourself talking to a person you don´t know.v(this will stimulate the same neurons that you use when you are in a social situation).
– Try not to write down a whole thesis, you psyche has to be able to get a grip of what is expected and then it can´t be too much. There is a big risk that you will give up if you get a sense of that it is too much.
– If you find the above impossible, try to think that you will only be at the party for an hour, then you can go home.
– If you are afraid of talking to someone without being able to escape, have a plan ready that you will say you have to go to the restroom.
– When you talk different people, try to observe if you perceive them in different ways. May be you will think that if the other person is quiet, it is is because you are boring. Try to analyze what you think of the other person, may be you think he/she is boring.
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se