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KBT psykologen reflects on relationships with a psychopath 2


 KBT psykologen reflects on psychopathic relationships

Since most people who are psychopaths are men, there are of course more case examples of male psychopaths. I will give a case example of a female psychopath with clear psychopathic behaviors and I will call her Sandra. While it´s more common for male psychopaths to show aggression  or violence, it´s more common among female psychopaths to take a victim role, blend it with manipulative, flirty behavior which can be a disastrous mix for the partner they chose to have a relationship with. Since psychopaths don´t have positive feelings towards someone, their emotional life becomes like a desert (Robert Hare desribes the psychopath in an easy to understand a wellwritten way in his books about psychopaths). In order to find a meaning in life (since the emotional chunk is gone), they become very goal oriented when it comes to things like money, sex, a partner who has status because of looks, money, academic achievement etc. Since the psychopath only thinks about him/herself and the private goals, he/she doesn´t waste any energy on thoughts like ”what if I don´t present myself well, what if I get rejected and other ”what ifs” that are energytaking for others. In other words, the psychopath becomes very strong mentally, in a way you could say that he/she is an expert in cognitive therapy, it´s a natural way of functioning without any waste of energy on empathy, insecurity etc. So, once he/she sets his/her mind on something it´s better not to be in the way. Some psychopaths can control their anger very well, but in the end, even the more controlling and from my perspective more dangerous since they are more hard to see detect, can feel pressed into a corner and show their anger.

It´s also interesting that if a psychopath is raised in secure caring family, he/she can become a politician, general director in a company, have his/her own private successful business etc. If a psychopath is raised in a non caring environment he/she usually turns into a criminal and ends up in jail.

Ok, back to my case example.

Sandra came from male dominated, poor background where she was treated like she was nobody. She was daily critisized  and she never heard she was loved. She early became sexually active (psychopaths often do), left school and moved to another country, she didn´t want anyone to know where she came from. She calculated that her strategy to get somewhere in life would be to use different men as a ladder. She married when she was sixteen to a man who made it possible for her to stay permanently in the new country. his man was infatuated with Sandra and thought he had never met such a caring and fun person. Sandra was fun to be with until she had got her permit to stay in the country. By then she had persuaded her husband to lend her some money he had since she wanted to start a business and then suddenly one day, Sandra vanished and he never say Sandra or the money.

Now Sandra moved to another city, took a different name and started a gas station business with her stolen money. She  fixed the gas machine so people got less gas for their money and she had a relationship with a man who worked for her. The salary he got was just to survive but he was afraid to get abandoned so he didn´t dare to say anything to Sandra. Meanwhile, Sandra had another relationship with a stock broker who had a lot of money. He had some alcohol problems, he felt lonely and he wasn´t  very strong emotionally. He was a perfect target for Sandra, he had status, money and she satisfied. The man who worked for her had given her his life savings that Sandra said she needed to expand the gas station. She took the money, left him, sold the gas station and disappeared.

Now Sandra could put all her energy on her stock broker  boyfriend whom she found very interesting out of several reasons. He already had grown up children and wasn´t interested in more, a fact that Sandra ignored. Since he had an alcohol problem together with some abandonment issues, Sandra was soon pregnant, not once but twice since she thought that two children was what she pictured was a good number when it came to children. Sandra decided to work as her husband´s sectretary in order to have better insight in his finances and also in order to push him in directions where he could earn as much as possible. The fact that many moves were illegal didn´t bother Sandra since she didn´t sign anywhere with her own name. After ten years her husband was died in an accident. Sandra was soon involved with a business man who had money.

Here I have out of my experience and knowledge in psychology written an example of how a female relationships of a female psychopath can look like.

Cognitive behavior psychologist Monica Emanell

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