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The narcissistic mother (3)

An interesting and important thing to remember if you have a parent with narcissistic features is that it is extremely hard to break free. So when you are an adult you will probably feel angry often at your parent but you will either obey your parent or have a conflict and then bad conscience and then be back at step one again. If your mother is alone with no partner or if she has a bad relationship, there is a high probability that there will be a hole in her life when you move out or when you have a partner. Therefore it is not unusual that she uses the information you have given her in a vulnerable moment about complaints about your partner, and then fuels your negative thoughts to a point where you get more and more conflicts with your partner. It is also common that you promise yourself that you will not talk about your life problems with your mother and then during a moment when she seems to be understanding you spill out your feelings again. Later you always regret this because she uses the information against you. Most of the time your mother does not do all the above mentioned consciously, she does not want to hurt you. She does it unconsciously in order to climb up herself, in order not to fee loney, or in order to have control or to feel good about hersef in some other aspect. Since these strategies, as I have said before are short sighted, she will only feel good about herself for a short time, then she needs to apply the same strategies again. She does everything she can to avoid feeling lonely and defective. Unconsciously she climbs on her own children and she drains energy from them in order to feel good herself.

Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell


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