The narcissist´s fear comes true in the end
The narcissist hates being next best or in the middle, that is the same as being a nobody which is one of the core beliefs the narcissist has about himself/herself. Therefore the narcissist is critical of others and very competitive. Losing a competition in getting something sought after makes the narcissist feel defective and the defectiveness schema is another crucial schema that the narcissist has (a schema is the innermost unconscious beliefs you have about yourself).
Winning is extremely important for the narcissist since he/she as a child only got attention for something well accomplished. It can be winning beauty contests, being best at tennis, being best academically etc. The point is that the child who later becomes a narcissist doesn´t get attention for being the person he/she is, but for the different accomplishments. So, in adult life the narcissist feels that if he/she is not the best, nobody will like him/her and the result will be loneliness which unconsciously is a something the narcissist fears.
As I have mentioned in many other articles when you have an issue with something you unconsciously act towards what the state you fear. What I notice is that narcissists, who fear loneliness become lonely when they grow old. I think it´s because when you are young you can suppress fears by working much and get validation there, having many partners and get validated, working out much etc. But when you grow old your body can´t keep up woth all the avoidant behaviors and then you get stuck with the feeling you have fought all your life to avoid, in this case – loneliness.
To be continued…
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se