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The third mode of the narcissist- the self-soother mode

The third mode of the narcissist

I have mentioned earlier in my articles that the narcissist flips unconsciously between three modes. Two modes that I have written about are the lonely child mode where the narcissist does not like to be since in this mode he/she is aware of feeling lonely, small and unimportant. When she flips into the lonely child mode, he/she tries to flip into the self-aggrandizer mode where he/she likes to be. Here the the behavior is bragging, stepping on others , competing etc. In this mode, the narcissist drains energy from pthers like a a parasite. In the short run he/she feels good, but in the long run this modes makes the narcissist feel even more lonely emotionally.

The third mode the narcissist can slip into is the detached soother mode. (Read more in Reinventing your life by Jeffrey Young). Here the narcissist  runs away from all kinds of feelings by overconsuming work, sex, drugs, alcohol, food etc. These activities give the narcissist excitement in the short run but in the long run the consequence is a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. If the narcissist is conscious that he/she is for example overeating because of feelings of loneliness and emptiness, the he/she usually blames someone else or sometning else with the consequence that the destructive behavior continues. A central probpem overall for the narcissist is that he/she  blamesg other people or other situations for everything which leads to the fact that he/she never starts dealing with any problem.

Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell


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