Entitlement based on dependence

This form of narcissism is based on that the narcissist expects other people to take care of him/her. I find it more common in women. They find their victims in people who want to be nice and who may be sometimes have been emotionally deprived themselves so they want to help even at the cost of their own needs if they can feel liked and get feedback that they are nice. These kind of narcissists see themselves as weak and needy and expect other people who are strong to take care of them (Read more in Reinventing your life by Jeffrey Young). They feel that other people have to help them and that they are entitled to get the help. When they don´t get what they want, they become victims and complain in a passive aggressive way (that is when you are angry but you don´t say it openly, instead you create a bad atmosphere and/or you express your anger in a diffuse way through irony, ignoration etc.). These people often try to adapt to other peole´s needs but they feel entitled to be taken care of.

Case example:

Vanessa was a single mother and she was friends with a couple who lived close to hear. She often talked about how she had managed to raise two children alone and that she had had bad luck in her life. She said she had been married to an alcoholic and she told tear dripping stories about how hard it was to manage to raise the children herself even when she was in the marriage. She said that she had managed to get free from her husband and that she had sacrified her own private life in order to be able to be there for her children. John helped Vanessa to fix things in her apartment or when she needed a ride somewhere. After a while John´s wife, Linda thought that Vanessa wanted favours too often. John on the other hanf felt sorry for her and also he had been emotionally deprived in his childhood so he felt good by all the admiration Vanessa showed. She told him that he was great at fixing things, that his wife was lucky to have him etc. After three years Linda told Vanessa that she was using them and that she would didn´t want anymore contact with her. Vanessa got angry and defensive because in her world she was entitled to be taken care of and wondered how Linda could be so mean. She said she felt sorry for John who had such a dominant wife.

Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell

www.kbtemanell.se