Rule 6
How to move forward when you have reached a dead end in a conflict:
1. First try to find the root to why you think the way you do. May be you you are anxious to spend money because you come from a family where this was an issue.
2. Now, write down and explanation to you why you think the way you do without critisizing each other.
3. Try to think if there is a part of the conflict where you can give in without stepping on your own needs too much?
I have noticed from the experience with my patients that giving in somewhere (not on things that are extremely important to you), can lead to the breaking of a vicoius circle. I think that when your partner gives in even only to be nice to you, there is a big chance that you feel so validated and filled with love feeling towards your partner that suddenly you are not so sure any more that everything has to be your way. May be, at this point you can meet your partner somewhere in the middle by telling him/her that you can do some things his/her way. If you reach this point, you are in a good circle where there is easier to compromize.
Now back to Gottman´s rules.
7.
Rule 7 consists of building mutual values. Read the following and find something that suits your relationship:
1. Do something together on a regular basis without your children.
2. Grab every opportunity to celebrated each other´s success.
3. Find strategies to support each other when one of you has a hard time.
4. Celebrate the family´s birthdays in a nice way.
5. Gather family and friends for dinner at your house.
6. Create a nice atmosphere around your romantic moments.
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se