Why is it important to be aware of what you feel in your work to improve your self-esteem?
Now I will describe the difference between primary and secondary feelings. I think this is a crucial part in your work with you feelings and self-esteem.
You can for example lash at out your partner showing anger when he/she says she can´t meet you tomorrow because he/she is meeting a friend. Your partner gets surprized because he/she loves you and spends a lot of time with you but now he/she wants to meet a friend he/she hasn´t seen for a long time.
After a while he/she gets annoyed because of your behavior, you have a conflict and he/she hangs up the phone. You feel rejected and you are may be afraid of being abandoned.
Here is an example of a misunderstanding due to not having a firm grip of what you feel. Probably, if you love your partner and wants him/her the best you are ok with him/her meeting a freind but may be you are somewhere afraid that he/she prefers someone else. In that case, the fear is the primary feeling that is under the secondary feeling that in this case is anger. So you are aware of the anger and that is the feeling you deal with but it misleads you and leads to getting closer to what you fear deep down, becoming rejected and/or abandoned.
So when you are in a situation that makes you feel bad, start observing and analyzing if the feeling you are aware of is the right one or if there is a feeling that is hidden that is the cause of your distress.
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se
Why is it important to be aware of what you feel in your work to improve your self-esteem?
Now I will describe the difference between primary and secondary feelings. I think this is a crucial part in your work with you feelings and self-esteem.
You can for example lash at out your partner showing anger when he/she says she can´t meet you tomorrow because he/she is meeting a friend. Your partner gets surprized because he/she loves you and spends a lot of time with you but now he/she wants to meet a friend he/she hasn´t seen for a long time.
After a while he/she gets annoyed because of your behavior, you have a conflict and he/she hangs up the phone. You feel rejected and you are may be afraid of being abandoned.
Here is an example of a misunderstanding due to not having a firm grip of what you feel. Probably, if you love your partner and wants him/her the best you are ok with him/her meeting a freind but may be you are somewhere afraid that he/she prefers someone else. In that case, the fear is the primary feeling that is under the secondary feeling that in this case is anger. So you are aware of the anger and that is the feeling you deal with but it misleads you and leads to getting closer to what you fear deep down, becoming rejected and/or abandoned.
So when you are in a situation that makes you feel bad, start observing and analyzing if the feeling you are aware of is the right one or if there is a feeling that is hidden that is the cause of your distress.
Cognitive Behavior Psychologist Monica Emanell
www.kbtemanell.se